This has been one of the most challenging months of my life.
So far in the span of one month, there was the passing of my grandmother who I adore who is one of my (if not the) closest family member aside from my parents, brother and children.
My babysitter had an emergency and forgot to pick up the girls, so I had to rush out of work and it threw the entire night into a crazy frenzy since it was also a ballet night. The same day I had another emergency with Brother shortly after getting back from ballet.
I hit a parked car.
I lost my keys several times and at the worst place — like gymnastics lessons.
I got a flat tire… on a Monday… when I was already pressed for time.
I’ve been late to work basically everyday. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I hate being late. It makes me itchy and uncomfortable, and I just think it’s tacky and rude to be habitually late and yet for whatever reason I can’t stop being late. And not because I’m waking up late but because something is coming up like everyday.
Every. Single. Day.
And there are several more things that I could list but I’ll spare both of us the torture of going through them. Suffice it to say, overall October 2013 has been a big thumbs down. It has not been a lucky month.
Quite the opposite.
There have been moments when I’ve wondered how I haven’t crashed into a pile on the floor, curled in the fetal position while crying out to the heavens, “Oh, Miss Celie what we gon’ do now?”
But despite the rough waters (which are due to Mercury in retrograde if you’re an astrology following kinda person) there have been tons of gentle reminders from the Universe that I am loved and that it’s all in how you look at things.
For example, I got to see and spend time with my Grandma Helen before she died. She knows I love her and that we all love her. She was able to depart the world in peace with love.
When my car got a flat, my cousin happened to be at his house only a few blocks away and was able to hook it up while one of my besties worked out getting my tire changed so I didn’t have to miss work yet again.
Another of one my besties came through to babysit so I could go to see Common perform and the concert was amazing.
Ladybug learned how to sing “happy burday to you” and how to say my brother’s name.
I’ve been invited to lunch by friends I haven’t seen in ages. Another good friend who I haven’t spoken to in some time sent me a text message to check on me right in the very moment when I needed it.
I’ve begun to notice hearts everywhere – spray painted on buildings, in my morning latte, in flowers, on clothes.
So, despite the fact that October has been an emotional milieu of sorts with the hard blows and ugly-cry moments have also been soft moments. Because that is life really – a balancing of sorts.
Because sometimes shiz hits the fan and it can feel like the entire world is crushing down on you with such force that it’s almost hard to breathe.
Even then, in those moments when it may seem like we’re all alone and like the world is conspiring against us, if we look for the love we can find it. In every moment, there is a lesson or something to be gained. I know it sounds so hippy-dippy unrealistic to say “look for the positive” when things are going bad.
I’m not suggesting that we ignore the bad. We should acknowledge our feelings so we can move past them faster. If we feel sad, we should feel it. If we’re angry, it’s okay to be angry. We should validate our feelings by staring them in the eye. Everyday doesn’t need to be all sunshine and flowers. Some days are just shitty.
Welcome to the real world, kids. Lesson 1: sometimes you’re just going to feel shitty.
The trick is not to wallow in the pain until it covers us like body paint. We can still appreciate the small things in the midst of the storm, like how sweet a rose smells, or what luck it was that you were late and so was the bus you need to take. We can walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and notice it.
Even in the midst of the hurt, frustration and tears the color purple is still there beautifully elegant against the green field of life, if you open your eyes and see it. It’s like a little gift to you, a little reminder from the Universe that it loves you.
Miracles happen every day in our own lives but if our minds are preoccupied or we’re too busy or rushed, we may not notice the miracles – yet they’re always there, like gifts waiting to be opened. – Deepak Chopra