Humans cannot seem to wait for or honor the truth. – Iyanla Vanzant

October 4, 2013 — Leave a comment

I have learned the hard way to mind my business, without judging who people are and what they do. I am more troubled by the lack of space being provided for the truth to unfold. Humans cannot seem to wait for or honor the truth. Instead, we make it up based on who we believe people should or should not be.
– Iyanla Vanzant

We are all such beautifully complex creatures. In many ways we are the center of our own world.

Scratch that… in many ways we feel we are the center of the universe. We often think that our way is the only way and that feelings are facts. That feelings are truth.

We look at people through our eyes and project our own truth on to them “based upon who we believe people should or should not be.”

When we do this we are not honoring the truth or allowing space for the truth to unfold. But, beyond the limits that we impress upon others based on our personal opinions, our failure to make space and cease our judgment of others is a choice. It’s a choice that often makes us feel worse, more stress, or more disconnected from others.

We may not even see it as a choice but it is.

Instead of looking at people with love, we often create labels for them and judgments based on the way we choose to see them. We take our thoughts and project them onto others assigning them roles and making up rules about who they are.

“He’s an asshole.”

“She’s a psycho.”

“They’re too self-centered.”

“He’s egotistical.”

“That person did this to me because they’re that.”

We also choose the way we allow us ourselves to process how other people behave towards us.

“He’s trying to make me feel bad.”

“She’s out to get me.”

“They just don’t like me.”

These things we think are based on our own life experience, the baggage that we carry around with us, or our own personal belief system. They are not facts.

They may feel very real to us, but that still does not make them facts — merely our truth. This is where love and forgiveness come into play.

I am constantly working on this myself.

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When someone behaves in a way that bothers me, I try not to judge. Instead, I try to extend love because maybe they’re not doing or being the things that I think they are. Maybe, and more often than not, it has nothing to do with me.

For example, someone who I think is “an asshole” may be having a string of bad days because a close relative just died and they’re consumed with a grief so thick that they can barely see the light of day.

Maybe the woman who is “a psycho” has insecurities and is hurting deeply. Or maybe she’s not a psycho at all but I see things in her that remind me of parts of myself that I am not so in love with and that makes me uncomfortable.

How we see and respond to people is a choice.

I am very sensitive by nature and tend to think that people are doing things to intentionally make me feel bad. It totally shook my world upside down when I had the revelation that maybe, just maybe,  no one was doing anything to intentionally make me feel bad. In a way, I was making up the truth about someone based on who I decided they were and what I decided they were doing. I was not providing space for them to just be.

{Insert huge gasp and WTF with exclamation points here!}

They were just doing them and I was choosing to allow it to make me feel bad or to make a judgment on who they are.

That doesn’t mean that the other person couldn’t have said or done something nicer, with more tact or in a way that I would be more responsive to, but it doesn’t mean they were out to get me or purposely trying to hurt me.

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I’m not implying that people don’t do things to intentionally hurt others or that you should stand by and allow yourself to be mistreated for the sake of love and forgiveness.

What I am saying is that it’s deeper than why people do the things they do, and even in the very unlikely case that someone is doing something to intentionally hurt me, I am still in control of how I react to it. I have the choice to let it upset me (being a victim) or or not.

I have the choice on whether I want to forgive that person, whether I want to remove them from my life, and how much energy I want to devote to that situation or moment. How much I let someone’s actions, intentional or not, rain on my parade is up to me and me alone.

When we blindly cast someone into a specific character or role in the story of our lives by placing a judgment upon them, we also cast ourselves as the victim or the villain.

We can be happier by allowing people the space to simply be. It comes from the acknowledgment that you are in control of how you feel about the things that people do. That is YOUR truth. The reasons behind why people and do and think what they do is THEIR truth.

When we own up to the reality that we often place our personal truths on people and situations and shape them, like a sculptor does a piece of clay, into our own vision we give everyone the opportunity to be their best and highest self. We give space for love.

We honor the truth.

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