I had a friend who always seemed to be in drama. Something negative was always happening in her life.
She was often fighting with a boyfriend, breaking up with a boyfriend, arguing with her family, or having difficulties with people at work or other friends.
When you saw her and asked how she was doing her response usually started, “Girl…,” with a big sigh and then continued with a litany of drama-filled events that had happened in her life that day.
If she wasn’t the center of drama, she was talking about someone else’s drama.
It got to the point where it was hard to be around her because she only talked about something gloomy, or was making light of someone else’s misfortune. After a while, it became a total buzz-kill to be around her because she carried a cloud of negativity with her.
And yet she could never understand why bad things were always seemed to be happening to her.
What my friend didn’t realize is that she had a drama fetish. On some level she got off on drama. Drama fed some area of her life that she felt was lacking. She was addicted to the high she got from it. The worst part, like many addicts, she didn’t even know she had a problem.
I’m no therapist but I think that when we’re surrounded in drama it’s because we either intentionally create negative situations because we don’t feel we are good enough, or we are not in touch with our feelings and drama is a way to feel something, or we’re looking for attention (Love).
If you feel like you are constantly struggling with drama in your life, you may have a drama fetish. Here are some things to help you figure out if you get off on drama and simple tricks to help establish more positive thought patterns.
Sign No. 1: You Complain More Than You Talk About Good Things
Sure, life can be hard and we all have moments when complaining is how we deal with our feelings. And that’s totally cool. But if you find yourself complaining to your friends and family about things in every conversation, you may be addicted to drama. By complaining continually, you’re breathing life to whatever that problem is. You are allowing it to grow because the more you talk about drama, the more you attract the negative energy and circumstances since what we focus on is what continues.
Solution: Go On A Complaining Detox
Start with one day a week and make a conscious effort not to complain out loud to family or friends all day. Instead, speak only of the good things that have happened in your day. Even if it was a shitty day (and, yes, we all have them), focus on whatever good there was be that finding the perfect parking space, or eating a great meal. And if you can’t find something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Once you’ve done one day, try two days of no complaining and then a whole week. The more you go without complaining the better you’ll feel. I’ve tried this and it works.
Sign No. 2: You Have At Least One Relationship That Is Always In Conflict At Any Given Time
Are you often at odds with someone in you life? Maybe one week it’s your mother and the next week it’s a friend or your significant other? Do you have relationships that cycle in and out of conflict where things are either wonderful or you’re having problems? If you’re frequently in conflict with people around you, especially those who you care about, there is a high possibility you’re digging the drama.
Solution: Break The Cycle
Sometimes it’s better to have peace than to be right. The next time you sense a potential argument over something silly with a friend or family member consider whether it’s worth it. Even if they’re totally wrong, do you really want to fight with them? If you are harboring anger or frustration towards someone break the cycle by forgiving them. Don’t ask for an apology just forgive and move on.
Sign No. 3: You Love to Gossip
Talking about other people’s drama and problems can seem harmless. It can also have a kind of “Mean Girls” fun to it to talk about what’s going on in someone else’s life. But if you really enjoy gossiping about others and can’t wait to share the newest bit of gossip with your BFF, you’re loving the drama and may even be creating more drama by discussing people behind their backs, or sharing information you shouldn’t be sharing.
Solution: Keep Your Mouth & Ears Shut
When you have the urge to gossip or talk about someone else just don’t do it. Even if you know your BFF would totally want to hear it and it’s just so juicy that it’s dripping off the tip of your tongue like peach nectar, keep your lips sealed. Try to remember a time when you were the subject of gossip and remember that the person you’re talking about it a person with real feelings. Do you want someone getting off talking about your dirty laundry? Probably not.
If someone wants to share gossip with you, it doesn’t mean you have to listen. You can politely change the subject or flat out tell your friend that you don’t want to hear it. Gossip is negative and you feed drama when you engage in it. Not to mention, if someome talks to you about someone else, it means they’ll talk about you to someone else.
Being a Drama Queen is a habit. You can break it just like any other bad habit by making a conscious effort to change the way you react in situations. Instead of getting off on drama, get off the drama.
Do you have any tips for avoiding drama?