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Don’t be more loyal to someone else than you are to your own self.

Take time to do what makes your soul happy! #lifecoach #lifecoaching #behappy

YROKOMARIE.COM

April 8, 2014 — 1 Comment

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Although in this society we’re starting to learn and accept our feelings more anger is one of the feelings that is still very taboo.

We are taught that anger is like cancer that kills us from the inside. We’re made to feel bad when we feel angry.

“You’re too angry.”

“Being angry is unhealthy.”

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind. – Emerson

The truth is that anger is an emotion like all the others. It’s not better or worse. It just is what it is.

Love is another emotion that is known for getting people in heaps of trouble and yet no one would dare suggest that folks not feel love.

When we repress our natural feelings, whatever they are, we are saying that what we feel is not okay. Not only that but when we don’t find positive and productive ways to channel our anger, we hold onto those feelings and they just change into something else that is usually more toxic than just sitting with the feeling would have been.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is to get angry.

In fact being angry can actually be healthy for you. The trick is to find the delicate balance between allowing yourself to feel angry without going overboard or allowing the anger to consume you.

Holding onto angry like a friend’s hand and walking around angry with the world isn’t healthy but neither is pretending it doesn’t exist. 

Feeling your feelings — whatever they are — is perfectly okay. There is nothing wrong with you because you get angry. (Little secret: everyone does!)

But process your anger in a way that doesn’t leave you feeling worse, beating up on yourself, or shameful. Some ways I like to process anger are:

::Writing an email to someone you’re pissed at and saying everything you’re feeling::

This is one of my personal favorites. I love to open a blank email and write out every angry thought I’m thinking. I do not censor myself and really let myself go crazy with it. I say the things that I would never really say to anyone and just allow myself to feel it without judgment.

I type until I’ve let it all go and then I either save it or delete it. I never type in a name in the subject and I never press send.

There is something really liberating about being able to comfortably say and feel what you want. It’s much better than holding onto those angry thoughts and letting them plant seed in my heart.

::Get physical::

While sometimes anger makes us want to punch, hit or throw things that is NOT what I am suggesting here. What I am suggesting is that moving your body can help get you out of your head and help release some of the mad energy.

It should be intense movement like going for a fast paced walk, doing sit-up or push-ups, riding your bike or just dancing like a maniac to music that gets your juices going. The activity it to channel the angry energy by using your body as a tool. You can scream, punch the air, or really any movement that feels comfortable and good.

:: Sit with it::

It’s okay to sit with anger.

Yes, you read that right. I said it’s okay to sit with anger.

It’s okay to sit quietly and just feel it. To breathe in and out and to notice where the anger turns up as physical sensations in your body. It’s okay to notice whether the anger has other feelings that come along with it, like guilt or sadness or shame.

Sit for a set period of time (5-10 mins) and just feel it. Watch the anger float past and through you like clouds in the sky.

When you’ve reached the end of your set time, get up and shake your body and do something that makes you happy, like listening to a song, or watching a funny clip on YouTube. The trick is to leave the anger where you were sitting and not carry it the rest of the day.

::Vent it::

Normally I believe that we shouldn’t spend a lot of time complaining about stuff, and that venting can sometimes be misused and abused. But I also think that venting to someone can be helpful for releasing anger.

You can vent to a friend, a family member, a professional like a therapist or life coach, or even your pet. The trick is to have someone who is safe and who will not judge you, offer advice or tell you to “get over it,” and who understands that you need to just feel the anger to get over it.

Like with some of the other things, you’ll want to set a time limit with how long you vent so that it doesn’t become a never ending bitch-fest that makes you feel worse rather than better. Maybe ask your venting friend to set a timer for you and to tell you a joke at the end.

I sometimes think that our feelings are very much like us: energy that is moving and breathing and just wants to be seen and acknowledged. The best way to get through any feeling with a negative association is just to feel it, without judgment, and to let it go like the ribbon of a balloon and watch it float up into the air until you can no longer see it.

Don’t be afraid to be angry. Get pissed. Get fucking good and mad.

It’s okay.

You can like the life you’re living, you can live the life you like. – Roxie Hart, Chicago

Some mornings my Facebook feed is littered with complaints. Complaints about someone’s boss, not being able to find a parking space, or going out to eat and the meal being overpriced and crappy.

And while I validate that all these things can suck they’re first world problems, you know? Problems that come with having a certain level of privilege.

I also see other posts, usually from the same few people, that are peppered with sadness.

There is a lot of talk on blogs about how Facebook can be a curated version of a person’s life. Even I have written about that and how we shouldn’t compare our daily lives to someone’s highlight reel. But, the sad posts filled with what seems like so much pain, hurt and frustration are harder to ignore. It’s the anti-highlight reel.

No matter what happens in life, we always have a choice, and I think that’s something that we forget when we focus on all the things that are going wrong, all the bad crap. We always have a choice.

You can like the life you’re living, you can live the life you like.

And that’s good. Isn’t it grand? Isn’t it great? Isn’t it swell? Isn’t it fun? Isn’t it?

If you don’t like the way something is going in your life you can trust, like the famous Coco Chanel quote, that anything you don’t like will have an opposite that you will like. You can invent yourself and your life.

And that’s good, isn’t it?

Don’t like your job? Work to change it.

In an unfulfilling relationship? End it.

Feeling off balance? Take time to sit in silence until you feel balanced.

Feel like something is missing from you life? Do some honest soul searching with your friends, a life coach, or a therapist.

On the flipside, you also have the option to like the life you’re living right now. Even though everything may not be perfect, you can make a conscious choice to like your life. It may sound complicated, but it’s really quite easy.

The first step is to make the choice to like the life you’re living, or live the life you like. Or both.

If you want to like the life you’re living, the best way to start is by appreciating everything that already makes your life so awesome. Because no matter how shitty a day may seem, or how fucked up a year you might be having, the truth is that there is something good in your life if you only look to see it.

Call me Pollyanna if you want to, but it’s just as easy to look on the bright-side as the negative side. It just feels a lot better to look on the bright-side. And, no, that doesn’t meant that you won’t have bad days.

You will have bad days, and you will feel bad sometimes because that’s apart of life. But that doesn’t have to be the overall tone of your life on a regular basis.

Happiness is not some complicated mystery that only happens when everything in your life aligns perfectly with the cosmos.

Happiness is very frequently a choice, a conscious decision to feel good rather than bad. It’s a change in perception from fear to love.

You also have the option to live the life you like.

It’s no secret that my life has not always been sunshine and roses. I’ve worked several years in a job that was not my calling. I’ve been through a difficult marriage, divorce, and being a young single mother.

I’ve battled depression, PTSD and anxiety. I’ve also had amazing experiences, wonderful opportunities, and been so surrounded by love and joy that it feels unreal.

Even though I’ve sometimes worn the role of the victim like a warm winter coat.

I’ve also worn the string bikini of “fuck it, you only live once so I’m going balls to the wall with happiness.”

The only difference between the two, is that I decided that I didn’t want to feel bad anymore.

Not like that.

Not ever again.

I took responsibility for my life and everything in it, and realized how many wonderful things are in my life and there are to be grateful for on a daily basis.That doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days: I do. It doesn’t mean that I’m 100% satisfied with every aspect of my life right now: I’m not.

What it does mean is that I’m liking the life I’m living as best as I can by making a conscious effort to see good and change my perception about “bad” things that come my way, and living the life I like by taking action to have that life.

When everything seems to be falling down around me, I can choose to let it take me down with it or I can say, “that sucks” and keep it moving. And how awesome is that to be able to have that choice?

And I’ll let you in on a little secret – you have that option too!

Isn’t it grand? Isn’t it swell? Isn’t it?

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I received one of the most important pieces of advice that I’ve ever received on a drunken St. Patty’s Day.

I was with my then boss and his girlfriend at a St. Patrick’s Day event on a closed-off street in downtown San Francisco. I was maybe 22 at the time, if not younger.

My boss’ girlfriend was a petite brunette who was super sweet. I don’t remember all the details what we were talking about or why (blame the booze) but what I do remember is she was very classy, she did something and made a lot of money for herself, and she was wearing a turtleneck.

She and I stood face to face with the crowd buzzing around us in varying shades of green and intoxication.

We were generally talking about being an adult and feeling like an adult and that’s when she passed on the advice that she felt was an “adult” making revelation.

“A real woman never makes excuses,” she told me.

“This is for everything,” she continued. “If you don’t want to date a guy, you just say no, don’t make any excuses.”

It was such a simple concept and yet it seemed so profound.

“A real woman never makes excuses.”

At the time, although I generally got the gist of what she was saying I don’t think I understood it as well as I do now. Logically, it makes sense but for many women, especially those of us who tend to be people pleasers, the idea of just owning our shit without making excuses is a very sensitive spot.

In some ways, it seems like we’re taught from a very young age to be apologetic for who we are. We pepper our feelings with “I’m sorries,” or offer other polite explanations as a way to make others more comfortable with our feelings.

We say no when we mean yes, and say yes when we mean no. And, even if we’re being 100% honest with how we feel and say yes or no, we still feel like we have to give an explanation, as if to apologize for how we feel.

But we don’t.

As I’m growing and becoming more comfortable with the woman I am, I now fully understand what my boss’ girlfriend was trying to tell me all those years ago – that it’s okay to just be myself.

I do not need to explain, ask for permission, or feel guilty for anything.

In a world that is constantly telling us who we should be, what we should dress like, and that we are not enough, it’s a great act of bravery to just be who you are. To mean what you say, and to say what you mean.

And to never have to make up an excuse.

I have some great friends. We always have fun when we’re together.

This year we’ve committed to one day a month to get together without the easy excuses of last minute life stuff, or without falling back on our usual go to hang out thing.

Pam & Me on my 30th Birthday

Friendships are like romantic relationships in that they require time and attention too. Sometimes they also need some spicing up, just like a love life.

In the book Spirit Junkie author Gabrielle Bernstein talks about the idea that we should treat our friendships like romances, and our romantic relationships more like friendships.

Friendships can be an important part of our emotional well-being. Our friendships can provide support, a springboard for ideas, and so much more. Not to mention it sometimes comes with the perk of being able to borrow cute clothes! Score!

But, like romantic relationships, friendships can be taken for granted. They can get stale and boring which may be why some friendships end. Not because the people have changed but they just drift apart for lack of tending their friendship garden to make sure it continues to grow.

By throwing in different fun activities, you can not only have a great time, but create bonding and fun memories with your besties that keep your relationship fresh. Some great activities to do with your girlfriends (or male friends) are:

A Proper Tea Party

Get all dressed up with hats, gloves and the works and go to a tea house for a proper ladies’ tea. If you prefer the comfort of your own home, still ask your tribe to come dressed up. You can ask everyone to bring their favorite tea, or to bring a tea like snack. You could research characters or make up your own and just have a good time.

Pole Dancing Classes

Whether or not you’ve ever shaken your shimmy on a pole, this is a great way to get a workout in and have a fun time with your girlfriends. If you’ve never done it before, the idea may conjure up images of something sleazy but it’s not. You and your girls can hit the pole and work on feeling good in your skin. It’s also great for bonding.

Solve the Crime!

When I was a kid one of my besties, Amilca, always had Mystery Parties for her birthdays. And they were awesome. Basically, with the invitation to the party you get a character and everyone comes to the party as their character. There are little scripts and prompts and the party goers try to solve the crime! These parties are available for adults too!

What I remember most about the parties is that they were always such fun and we were always silly, and the time just seemed to fly by.

Vision Board Making

Ask your tribe to bring old magazines and their favorite dish to share and get together to make vision boards. This is a great way to connect and also to do something to help you manifest things that you want in your life. If you want, you can start with a led group meditation, yoga, or just dancing around. My vision board making extravaganza includes mimosas, but yours doesn’t have to.

Walk It Out

Meet up somewhere in your area and just go for a walk. Pick an area that you don’t usually go and just walk and talk. If you pick a park consider removing your shoes and walking in bare feet so that you can practice grounding and get the healthy benefits that come from touching your naked skin to the Earth. I don’t know why but, for me at least, walking with friends always inspires deep conversations.

Volunteer

Grab you group and pick something you guys are passionate about and go and be love. Maybe help at your local library, your kids’ school, or a soup kitchen. The best time to do this is not during the holiday season when large groups tend to get together to help those who may be having a rough time. Pick a time that just works for your group. If you wanted to take it a step further, encourage your friends to raise funds for the organization or entity that you’re making (it doesn’t have to be a lot) and giving your donation as a group after you finish your day.

Swap It, Baby!

No, I’m not talking about swapping romantic partners (but if that’s your thing that’s cool — I don’t judge). I’m talking about a closet swap! Ask your group to go through their closets to find anything in good condition that they don’t wear or use including shoes, jewelry or accessories. Everyone meets and then you swap the stuff you don’t want for stuff that is “new” to you. This is not only a great way to expand your wardrobe and push your personal style envelope, but it’s also really good for the environment because it’s recycling versus buying another cheap top at Forever 21. If you’re anything like me, even after my latest closet purge pre New Year’s, I still have some stuff I would happily swap for something else.

An Amusement Park

Amusement parks aren’t just for kids. Amusement parks are all about fun, over-priced under-nutrient food, and games. It’s a great way to bring out your inner kid and to play. Rollercoasters scare the shit out of me to this very day, but I love amusement parks and there is so much to do. It’s always fun when I go with a big group.

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. – Marcel Proust

Pam, Me & Michelle on New Year’s Eve

Many of us have routines that we do when we start a new year.

Maybe we write formal New Year’s resolutions where we resolve to start healthy routines or to break bad habits. Some of us write journal entries and some of us do things like make a vision board, or any combination of the above.

This year I decided to do a hodgepodge of things that helped me to be introspective and to set my positive intentions for the new year in a way that was thoughtful and would actually be something that was useful.

First, I followed Hillary Rubin’s advice for creating the best year ever and worked on tying up the loose ends from 2013.

So, in December I made a list of everyone I needed to forgive, including myself, and forgave them. I looked at whether I owed anyone anything and if so I paid them back. I worked out a plan to pay off any financial obligations that were still lingering like a bad cough. And I picked areas of my house that I wanted to de-clutter and cleared them out.

I had already intuitively started shedding layers of material fluff at the start of the holiday season in late November. Shedding broken toys, clothes we no longer wore and things, like the mug that had been broken for over a year that I was going to fix “one day” that were just taking up space.

I knew I wanted to start the year fresh with space and room for positive energy to flow into my life. Out with the old, in with the good vibes.

Then I wrote a list of everything I was grateful for.

And when I looked back there was A LOT to be grateful for.

New Year’s Eve Funny Faces & Pics w/ Strangers

On New Year’s Eve, I got my nails done and my eyebrows perfectly coiffed at a brow bar. I picked red polish for my toes which the nail technician told me meant I was going to have good luck all year, according to her mother.

“Everyone always picks dark colors, that’s not good,” she whispered to me her tongue clicking in disapproval.

“But you, you pick red. You’re going to be lucky this year!” She asked if she could add a layer of red glitter polish on the top. I said of course because glitter makes everything better.

I didn’t write any New Year’s resolutions.

Not a single one.

One year I resolved to never write New Year’s resolutions because they never stuck, so I resolved to never do it again. So, I guess I can say I’ve kept one resolution!

Still, I wanted to do something to help me articulate to the Universe my intentions for the year. I had already purchased Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map and done it in last year.

I have to be honest and say the first time I did it, it didn’t really click for me.

I jived with the idea of uncovering how we want to feel and then building our goals around how we want to feel, versus setting goals and hoping they make us feel good. But for whatever reason, the exercises didn’t give me any “wow” or “ah-ha!” moments and I kind of felt like it was all hype.

A few days after the new year came ’round I decided to give Desire Mapping another go. I just focused and really put my heart into the workbook with an open mind. I didn’t read the book part and just dove right in to the exercises. I think Danielle is a lovely writer but I just wanted to get to the nitty grity.

And, boom, it clicked!

I should focus my goals on how I want to feel – not create arbitrary goals hoping they’ll do it for me! Yes, I realize that I knew this conceptually before I tried doing the DM-thing for the first time, but this time I just got it. Pow – right in the kisser. Well, maybe not right in the kisser but I just resonated with it.

My core desired feelings for the first half of the year are:

♥ Love ♥ Open ♥ Clear ♥  Abundance ♥ Passion.

I’ve already been checking in with my core desired feelings and, yea, Ms. LaPorte is on to something there. No wonder it’s so wildly successful.

But, I wasn’t done there.

I am someone who likes lists and planning and themes. I love themes, actually. I am the queen of themed birthday parties and such. So, I thought I needed a word to be the theme of the year.

But don’t you already know how you want to feel, perhaps you’re wondering. Yes, but those are feelings. This theme isn’t a feeling. Well, I guess it could technically be a feeling but, before I loose you with all the back and forth, the reason picking a theme or a word is important to me is because it gives you a backdrop to lean on.

If life is a stage then the theme would be the set. The feelings would be the actors and you, my lovelies, would be the playwright. And if you’re totally lost and wonder how many cups of coffee I had while writing this post, here is where I make my thoughts connect so it all makes sense…

I sat quietly with myself and breathed in and out. I considered everything that was going on in my life currently, how I want to feel and what I wanted my theme of the year to be. I waited for the word to come to me and didn’t just pick an arbitrary word that sounded good. And then it was clear.

Faith.

That’s my word of the year – Faith with a capital F.

See, it is Faith that will push me to take actions where I am full of Love. It’s Faith that things will turn out okay that will allow me to feel Open by trying new things. It is the Faith that I can start my own business and create Abundance that I will cling onto when I feel like I’m getting in over my head.

It is Faith that will remind me no matter how many times a heart breaks, it can always heal and Love again.

(I told you it would all make sense!)

And as the grande finale to my “2014 Is Going to Rock My Socks Off” planning, I am going to be hosting a vision board making get-together for a few of the awesome Goddesses in my life.

Something else, Yroko, maybe you’re thinking?

A vision board is something visual to help us remember how we want to feel. It’s manifestation eye-candy that can help remind me of my core desired feelings. It helps me see the things that I want to attract into my life that will make me feel my core desired feelings.

Plus, we’re going to be having mimosas and sipping mimosas with a group of girlfriends while creating vision boards is nothing short of magic.

By starting the year off with strong intentions and such a positive flow, I know 2014 is going to knock my socks off.

And so it is.

How do you ring in the new year?

I had a friend who always seemed to be in drama. Something negative was always happening in her life.

She was often fighting with a boyfriend, breaking up with a boyfriend, arguing with her family, or having difficulties with people at work or other friends.

When you saw her and asked how she was doing her response usually started, “Girl…,” with a big sigh and then continued with a litany of drama-filled events that had happened in her life that day.

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If she wasn’t the center of drama, she was talking about someone else’s drama.

It got to the point where it was hard to be around her because she only talked about something gloomy, or was making light of someone else’s misfortune. After a while, it became a total buzz-kill to be around her because she carried a cloud of negativity with her.

And yet she could never understand why bad things were always seemed to be happening to her.

What my friend didn’t realize is that she had a drama fetish. On some level she got off on drama. Drama fed some area of her life that she felt was lacking. She was addicted to the high she got from it. The worst part, like many addicts, she didn’t even know she had a problem.

I’m no therapist but I think that when we’re surrounded in drama it’s because we either intentionally create negative situations because we don’t feel we are good enough, or we are not in touch with our feelings and drama is a way to feel something, or we’re looking for attention (Love).

If you feel like you are constantly struggling with drama in your life, you may have a drama fetish. Here are some things to help you figure out if you get off on drama and simple tricks to help establish more positive thought patterns.

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Sign No. 1: You Complain More Than You Talk About Good Things

Sure, life can be hard and we all have moments when complaining is how we deal with our feelings. And that’s totally cool. But if you find yourself complaining to your friends and family about things in every conversation, you may be addicted to drama. By complaining continually, you’re breathing life to whatever that problem is. You are allowing it to grow because the more you talk about drama, the more you attract the negative energy and circumstances since what we focus on is what continues.

Solution: Go On A Complaining Detox

Start with one day a week and make a conscious effort not to complain out loud to family or friends all day. Instead, speak only of the good things that have happened in your day. Even if it was a shitty day (and, yes, we all have them), focus on whatever good there was be that finding the perfect parking space, or eating a great meal. And if you can’t find something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Once you’ve done one day, try two days of no complaining and then a whole week. The more you go without complaining the better you’ll feel. I’ve tried this and it works.

Sign No. 2: You Have At Least One Relationship That Is Always In Conflict At Any Given Time

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Are you often at odds with someone in you life? Maybe one week it’s your mother and the next week it’s a friend or your significant other? Do you have relationships that cycle in and out of conflict where things are either wonderful or you’re having problems? If you’re frequently in conflict with people around you, especially those who you care about, there is a high possibility you’re digging the drama.

Solution: Break The Cycle

Sometimes it’s better to have peace than to be right. The next time you sense a potential argument over something silly with a friend or family member consider whether it’s worth it. Even if they’re totally wrong, do you really want to fight with them? If you are harboring anger or frustration towards someone break the cycle by forgiving them. Don’t ask for an apology just forgive and move on.

Sign No. 3: You Love to Gossip

Talking about other people’s drama and problems can seem harmless. It can also have a kind of “Mean Girls” fun to it to talk about what’s going on in someone else’s life. But if you really enjoy gossiping about others and can’t wait to share the newest bit of gossip with your BFF, you’re loving the drama and may even be creating more drama by discussing people behind their backs, or sharing information you shouldn’t be sharing.

Solution: Keep Your Mouth & Ears Shut

When you have the urge to gossip or talk about someone else just don’t do it. Even if you know your BFF would totally want to hear it and it’s just so juicy that it’s dripping off the tip of  your tongue like peach nectar, keep your lips sealed. Try to remember a time when you were the subject of gossip and remember that the person you’re talking about it a person with real feelings. Do you want someone getting off talking about your dirty laundry? Probably not.

If someone wants to share gossip with you, it doesn’t mean you have to listen. You can politely change the subject or flat out tell your friend that you don’t want to hear it. Gossip is negative and you feed drama when you engage in it. Not to mention, if someome talks to you about someone else, it means they’ll talk about you to someone else.

Being a Drama Queen is a habit. You can break it just like any other bad habit by making a conscious effort to change the way you react in situations. Instead of getting off on drama, get off the drama.

Do you have any tips for avoiding drama?

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When I look at my children, my family and my friends, it’s so easy to see how amazing and beautiful they are. Even in their tender faults, they are beautiful. I believe in them and I encourage and support their every dream.

It’s so easy to cheerlead for and support others, to always see the good and sparkling parts of them. It’s easy to tell the truth to others too — not just about their greatness but also about their flaws.

Unfortunately, for many of us when it comes to ourselves, we do not express the same type of kindness that we do with our family and friends. In fact, we are often are worst critics and tell ourselves the most horrible things. The type of ugly stuff that we would never, ever dare to speak to our loved ones. Those ugly things we tell ourselves are often lies.

Some of the lies we tell ourselves way too frequently are:

1.     I’m Fat

In my younger days I had moments when I lied to myself about how I looked. “Oh my god, I’m so fat,” I would tell my reflection. I remember shopping with Pam at Bebe one summer and trying on the perfect pair of aqua shorts with white trim and looking in the mirror and saying, “I can’t buy these. I’m too fat.” I was 21 at most and a size six. But, I lied to myself and I truly felt fat even though part of me knew I wasn’t. Too often women lie to ourselves about our bodies. We lie to ourselves telling ourselves that we are fat. It’s the number one lie I hear my friends tell themselves. It’s destructive and it’s an unhealthy thought pattern and it’s one of the lies that we need to stop.

2.     I Can’t Do This

Recently, Stari told me that she could never do something. I asked her how she knew. She said she just knew, but she hadn’t tried. “Well, how do you know you can’t do something if you haven’t tried,” I asked her. She agreed that maybe she should try and not just assume that she couldn’t do it. This is another huge lie that we tell ourselves. For example, I told myself that I could not have an induced labor and give birth without pain medications, but that was a lie. People tell themselves they can’t start a business, go back to school, date the person of their dreams, or do quite a number of things. If you tell yourself you can’t do something and you haven’t even tried then you’re lying to yourself in a way. People can do extraordinary things when they believe they can.

3.    No One Understands How I Feel

The “no one understands how I feel” thing is something commonly associated with teenagers and a slammed door. But, as adults we often feel this as well, especially when we’re going through hard times or major life changes. The idea that no one understands how you feel is a lie. While our life experiences and perceptions are unique, feelings themselves aren’t unique. Even though someone may not have been in exactly the same situation that you are in, chances are that there is someone else who understands how you feel. Sometimes just reminding yourself that you’re not the only person to ever have felt whatever you’re feeling can help put it into perspective.

4.   I Need Something/Someone Else to Complete Me

You are complete. You are whole. You do not need anyone or anything to complete you. The idea that you need someone or something to complete you is an absolutely lie. Don’t believe it! That’s not to say that people or things can’t help enhance our lives or bring joy to us. That’s not to say that people and experiences can’t help us to grow, but finding the perfect spouse, job, car, etc. does not make us whole or complete because we were born whole and complete. You, my lovely, as you are now with all your beautiful light and dark sides, you are complete.

5.     I Need to Be Fixed

Ah, my lovelies, why are we so hard on ourselves? No matter what is going on in your life, you are not a broken toy that needs to be fixed. I believe in personal development and striving to be the best versions of ourselves, but not because we are broken or something is wrong with us. Our stumbling blocks and challenges in life are lessons. Our flaws are just areas where our spirits have the most work to do. You are love and light. You do not need to be fixed because you are not broken. Don’t believe the hype.

7.     They Have It So Much Easier Than I Do

Ah, cry me a river, eh? Doesn’t it always seem like someone has it easier than you do? I know I see moms who work full-time like me, with the same number of kids, who are at every PTA meeting with freshly baked cookies, cute outfits, and cars that never have cookie crumbs in the seats. They go to the gym everyday, do yoga and never feed their kids McDonald’s. And, golly, their life just must be so much easier than mine because I just can’t even keep up. This is a big fat lie. There is no way to know what’s going on in someone else’s life. Just because someone appears to have it all together doesn’t mean that their life is easier than yours. Their journey is their journey and perception is not reality. Get off the pity-party train and get with the idea that other folks have ups and downs too. (Yroko, I’m talking directly to you.)

8.     I’m Too Old To…

So, I may be too old to be a professional ballerina, but there are tons of other things that I’m not too old to do. If you’re telling yourself that you’re too old to do something then you’re lying to yourself. Absent things like  becoming a professional football player or ballet dancer, you can do all sorts of things no matter your age. For example, the Office Administrator at my last job got her MA at 65. My uncle graduated college when he was in his mid to late 40’s. I have friends in their 50’s who have started new careers, and know people who have fallen in love and gotten married in their 60’s. “I’m too old…” is just an excuse or a way of saying that you’re scared to step out of your comfort zone. If there’s something you really want to do, put your big girl (or boy) pants on and do it. It doesn’t matter if you’re the oldest person (or youngest person) there.

The next time your hear yourself telling yourself a lie, take a moment to stop and really listen to yourself. Pretend that you’re your own child or a friend and ask yourself if you would say that to them. If you wouldn’t, cut it out.